i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
