I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
