But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
