After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
