Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
