She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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