my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
