I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
