oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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