the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
