hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
