just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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