Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
