dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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