he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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