Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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