She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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