he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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