I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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