and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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