I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
