Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
