First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
