can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
