and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to have your abortion
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
