I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
