What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
