what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
