When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
