Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
