And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
