he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
