the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I could fuck to npr.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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