Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
