I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
