He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
