She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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