The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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