so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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