Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
