You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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