It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
