I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
