I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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