just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
