I cockslap morals
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
