Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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