the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
