party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
