do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
