So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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