Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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