i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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